he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize