In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
