I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
