Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
