im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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