he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
