1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he puts the penis in happiness.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize