physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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