Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
