Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
