I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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