I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
