why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
