his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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