I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
this hospital has no fireball
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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