OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up under a house in Key West
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