Duck Duck Cougar?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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