need another drink. this is the easiest way
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
