Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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