Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
