Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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