I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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