she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize