he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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