I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
