So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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