Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
