Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
