my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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