You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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