The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
