You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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