So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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