Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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