You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
