Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize