I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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