NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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