TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
