Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
