It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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