i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
