Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize