This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
