I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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