i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
