i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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