He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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