he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
