I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
