Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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