it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The best revenge is premature balding
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
