dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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