Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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