no, he came in my armpit
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
