I'm jealous of your bromance
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
