I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
