heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
