I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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