did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize