I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
