We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize