Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
