Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
