is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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