Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
