have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
