Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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